dear asshole

ive been hearing things left and right.
dont go for it, go for it, are you nuts? he's crazy.

god i want so bad to be with you.
why cant i bring myself to do it?
is it the lack of trust?
the past of cheating?
the fact that when im with you, i mean everything to you,
but when im with you and other people, i am nothing but a mere peer?

probably all of the above.
if i could just feel as special as you make it seem you think i am,
than maybe i could believe you.

its not that i want to be a showcase to you,
i just wish people would know about us.
that im not just some girl whose crazy for you
i mean, whats so embarrassing about me anyways?

you say you want to be with me, but what if i dont give you what you want?
would you go elsewhere to get it? thats what im afraid of.
are you still hooked on her?
or maybe are you still hooked on fucking her?
well thats what i hear.
but i dont want to go off of what other people say, but i mean, if its true, how could i not?

you make me feel like shit, all the time.
its like im a toy, that you get bored of, but then everyonce and a while, you want to go back too.
it KILLS me.
is all the time i spent content with you, really worth all the time i have felt like shit because of you?

i mean honestly, i dont think ive ever been so crazy for someone.
ive never been extremely jealous.
ive never cared this much.
ive never wanted anything more in this world.

but..the issue is, id constantly be paranoid if i was with you.
do you know how many beautiful woman want to be with you?
i mean, why me? it makes me feel like, if given the opportunity, you would say the exact same thing.
"why her?"


ventventvent. thats what i love to do, thats what i need to do.
now...what do i do?